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　　Breaking up for all the wrong reasons

　　中西爱情婚姻观对比：为什么中国人总是因为物质主义而分手?

　　One of my good Chinese friends recently broke up with his girlfriend.

　　我一个中国朋友最近和他女友分手了。

　　His girlfriend’s mother wanted him to buy an apartment in central Beijing, but he could only afford a place in the suburbs. Even though her family was wealthier than his, as a man, he was expected to bear the full responsibility for the housing costs. His girlfriend’s mother said in the next year he needed to make a down payment on an apartment in that area, or they would never marry.

　　他女友的母亲想要他在北京市中心买一套房，但是他却只买得起郊区的房子。即使女方的家庭更富有一些，但是作为一个男人，他们还是希望他来承担买房的全部责任。他女友的母亲对他说，明年必须拿出房子首付，否则就永远不会结婚。

　　His girlfriend was 27, and she wanted to get married as quickly as possible. He had many fights with his girlfriend over this particular issue, but she would always side with her mother. Hurtful things were said, and they ended the relationship.

　　他女友27岁了，很想尽快结婚。在这个问题上他和女友有过很多争吵，但是每次她都会偏向自己母亲。令人伤心的是，他们最终还是分手了。

　　Ironically, marriage seems to be a major reason relationships end in China. Are money and materialism the number one source of unbridgeable differences in Chinese romantic relationships?

　　具有讽刺意味的是，在中国婚姻似乎是情侣分手的主要原因之一。金钱和物质至上原则是中国情侣们无法弥合矛盾的最大原因吗?

　　The story of my friend made me reflect on why my own relationships back in Europe had failed. My first boyfriend left me because he didn’t have "enough feelings," and I broke up with my second boyfriend because I felt too young to commit to a serious relationship. In both cases, feelings, or the lack of it, have been the decider.

　　我朋友的这个故事使我想起了我自己在欧洲那几次失败的感情经历。我第一个男友离我而去因为他没有“足够的感觉”，和第二个男友分手是因为，我觉得太年轻无法保持认真的关系。但是在我两段恋情中，感觉(或是没有感觉)都是导致分手的主要原因。

　　Why are the reasons people end relationships in Europe so different to those I hear from my friends in China? I believe it comes down to the family.

　　为什么欧洲情侣分手的原因和我听说的中国朋友分手的原因如此不同?我认为这和家庭有关。

　　European countries have a more individualistic culture, and the families are seldom the primary reason for a breakup. In China, social ties have a much greater influence.

　　欧洲国家文化更偏向个人主义，家庭很少是情侣分手的最大原因。而在中国，社会关系具有更大的影响力。

　　While romance in the West is about the love the two partners feel for each other, romance in China is only a pathway to marriage, and marriage is a business transaction between two families.

　　在西方，恋爱关系只和双方对彼此的爱有关，但在中国恋爱是通向婚姻的唯一道路，而婚姻则是两个家庭之间的一场商业交易。

　　Ultimately, Chinese parents want their child to be happy in their future marriage. Love is something hard to measure, but money is not. An apartment in the right location, an expensive car and a well-paid job mean that the life will be stable and secure

　　最终，中国父母们想要自己孩子在未来婚姻中幸福快乐。爱是很难衡量的，但是金钱不是。合适地段一套房子、一辆好车和一份高薪工作意味着以后的生活稳定、安全。

　　As a young woman from Switzerland with a Chinese boyfriend, I can understand both the Western and Chinese motivation to end a relationship. However, I think Chinese are breaking up for all the wrong reasons.

　　作为一个拥有中国男友的年轻瑞士女人，我可以理解西方人和中国人分手的动机。但是我认为，中国人分手的原因都是错误的。

　　In every relationship, there will be moments where you don’t have that tingly feeling you had in the beginning, and you will have to cope with difficulties that seem almost insurmountable.

　　在每一段恋情中，当最初的激情退却，你总会遇到让人心痛难忍的时刻，你还不得不面对那些似乎不可逾越的困难。

　　Chinese couples of all ages see love as an action. They go shopping together, cook dinner for each other and pick each other up at the bus stop, which are seldom seen in the West. These small gestures of love add up to a profound feeling of closeness, trust and dependence.

　　中国各个年龄的情侣们都将爱情视为一种行动。他们一起去购物、一起做饭、亲密无间地在公交车站等车，而这在西方很少见到。这种甜蜜的小姿态加强了他们亲密、信任和依赖的感觉。

　　I’d like to say to my Chinese friend that if you cared for each other, materialism should not be the single priority. It wasn’t the prospect of a house in the center of Beijing that made her fall in love with you. Her parents may have good intentions for their daughter, but don’t let them interfere in your personal definition of happiness as a couple.

　　我想对我的中国朋友说，如果你们互相关心，物质就不应该是唯一优先的选择。她爱上你不是因为谋求北京市中心的一套房。她父母们可能为自己女儿做最好的打算，但是不要让他们干涉你们对两人幸福的定义。

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